Dear girl sitting across from me on the tube,
Please stop staring at me. Don't deny it, it has been 20 minutes and you always awkwardly dart away your stare when I notice it. I know I am an American, but please, it is embarrassing and makes me uncomfortable. You are distracting me from reading about Chelsey Davey and how orange she looks. However, I think you may be having more trouble reading since your book is UPSIDE DOWN. Also, I don't know what they teach you here in London, but wearing a red and purple scarf with fringe is not ok. Especially when your hair looks like a gigantic fire hydrant (totally unnatural).
Sincerely,
A concerned and slightly creeped out citizen (I use citizen relatively)
P.s. Whoever said Valentine's Day didn't exist in Europe was seriously mistaken. America, would you please stop influencing the rest of the world with your commercialized holidays. Thanks.
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