I think I figured out my tragic flaw. You know, the flaw that is usually the demise of the main character in plays. Well, I've discovered mine.
I have this ridiculous, extreme, overbearing sense of right and wrong. I have an overwhelming need for justice. And I'm not fishing here. I promise, this is not some lame excuse for compliments, because if you have ever interacted with me you will know I am real awkward with compliments. This is just an genuine realization and frustration.
Growing up, my mom always said I saw the world in black and white. There was wrong and there was right. Ask my brothers, I was always quick to point out when something was wrong - riding bikes without shoes, not doing their chores, ignoring ANYTHING mom said. I was the kid that hid in the back of the car (on the verge of tears) when everyone else jumped out to TP some house in the middle of the night. (Seriously, how did I have friends?)
Still today my tragic flaw haunts me. I guess that is the point of a tragic flaw - it doesn't ever go away. I lay awake at night thinking about the lady with a baby that I didn't give a pound to because I was trying to make the train. Or that I left my dirty dishes in the sink and my flatmate ended up doing them for me.
And most recently, my last week in London has really been bugging me. More specifically, my last few days at work. Technically, our last day at our internships is supposed to be next Thursday. So, I, of course, told my supervisor that and have been under the impression that everyone else did the same.
OHHH NOO. I was seriously mistaken. Half the group told their supervisors their last day was today (Friday - an entire week before it is supposed to be). The other half to their supervisors either Monday or Tuesday. So now I am the lone (loser) intern working until next Thursday. Even the other intern at my company is leaving Tuesday. And it's not that I mind working - I really love what I do and my team - but its bugging me that no one else will be working and that they all got away with it. Is that lame? Yes. Of course it is lame.
Sometimes I wish I didn't care as much or that I was clever enough to think about these things in advance, or didn't feel guilty about ridiculous things.
Hopefully, I can get over this dumb feeling of guilt. If not immediately, maybe over time.
I know it will probably be cut in half the day I turn 21.
I have this ridiculous, extreme, overbearing sense of right and wrong. I have an overwhelming need for justice. And I'm not fishing here. I promise, this is not some lame excuse for compliments, because if you have ever interacted with me you will know I am real awkward with compliments. This is just an genuine realization and frustration.
Growing up, my mom always said I saw the world in black and white. There was wrong and there was right. Ask my brothers, I was always quick to point out when something was wrong - riding bikes without shoes, not doing their chores, ignoring ANYTHING mom said. I was the kid that hid in the back of the car (on the verge of tears) when everyone else jumped out to TP some house in the middle of the night. (Seriously, how did I have friends?)
Still today my tragic flaw haunts me. I guess that is the point of a tragic flaw - it doesn't ever go away. I lay awake at night thinking about the lady with a baby that I didn't give a pound to because I was trying to make the train. Or that I left my dirty dishes in the sink and my flatmate ended up doing them for me.
And most recently, my last week in London has really been bugging me. More specifically, my last few days at work. Technically, our last day at our internships is supposed to be next Thursday. So, I, of course, told my supervisor that and have been under the impression that everyone else did the same.
OHHH NOO. I was seriously mistaken. Half the group told their supervisors their last day was today (Friday - an entire week before it is supposed to be). The other half to their supervisors either Monday or Tuesday. So now I am the lone (loser) intern working until next Thursday. Even the other intern at my company is leaving Tuesday. And it's not that I mind working - I really love what I do and my team - but its bugging me that no one else will be working and that they all got away with it. Is that lame? Yes. Of course it is lame.
Sometimes I wish I didn't care as much or that I was clever enough to think about these things in advance, or didn't feel guilty about ridiculous things.
Hopefully, I can get over this dumb feeling of guilt. If not immediately, maybe over time.
I know it will probably be cut in half the day I turn 21.
2 comments:
my favorite post you've made?
I think so.
It is character that counts at the end of the race. It takes courage to do what is right - never appologize for not being drawn into the ways (values) of the "world" - these ways are celebrated but have caused great demise in our nation, families and personal well being. It is hard to not be tempted by the draw and sparkle and even question your own sense of right and wrong...but at the end of the day when you are brushing your teeth before the mirror...It is you - you have to look at and live with. Always do what is right - blessing ALWAYS follows in the most unexpected ways. Love you -
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